


The Stark Job

by misura



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Leverage
Genre: Multi, crossovering treat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-26
Updated: 2014-08-26
Packaged: 2018-02-14 22:22:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2205168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Look, we're not going to hack into Tony Stark's personal network."</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Stark Job

**Author's Note:**

  * For [a_q](https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_q/gifts).



"Look, we're not going to hack into Tony Stark's personal network." Hardison shook his head. "No way, no how. Nu-uh. Not happening, man."

"He's that good?" Eliot asked, which was decent of him, Nate supposed; it could have been _he's that much better than you are?_ and then there'd have been blood.

Or at least a prank war of epic proportions, possibly but not necessarily ending in someone finding themselves aboard an oil tanker headed for Greenland. "Guys." Naked. "Guys. One: _we_ aren't going to do anything."

"Damn right we're not," Hardison said, and then Eliot did something with his eyebrows and the penny dropped. "No. No, no, no."

"Two: Hardison, I'm not asking you to hack into Tony Stark's personal network."

"Good," Hardison said. "Because, as I keep saying - wait. Is this where you tell me you ain't asking, you're _telling_?"

"No." Nate smiled. All patience and friendliness and cheerfulness, that was him. "Relax, will you? No hacking. Nothing like that. I'm just asking - _asking_ you, if maybe you could, you know, maybe figure out a way to slip inside, take a peek at some of his files. You know, small stuff."

"So you're asking me to hack into Tony Stark's personal network."

"Well, _hacking_ 's such a big word," Nate said. "How about 'snooping'?"

"One more letter," Parker said. "So, ha! Bigger word."

Eliot coughed. Hardison looked all kinds of hurt and betrayed. Sophie looked ... like she was in Paris and they were doing perfectly fine without her. Just peachy.

"I hate you all," Hardison said.

 

"So, hey," Eliot said. "You got some sort of history with this guy or what?"

Nate slouched behind his newspaper a little more.

"We've met," Hardison said casually. Very casually. "Once or twice."

"Yeah?" Parker said. "So which one is it?"

"Huh?"

"Did you meet him once, or did you meet him twice?"

"Oh" Hardison said. He tapped a few more keys. Nate strongly suspected there was no actual hacking whatsoever going on, but he figured he'd give Hardison another hour before calling him on it. Tony Stark was kind of an ... impressive guy, after all. "Twice. I think. Kind of."

"Kind of. How do you 'kind of' meet someone?" Eliot asked.

Hardison sighed. "Look, I hacked him before, all right? Once," which Nate thought sounded promising until Hardison added, "And he caught me in, like, point two seconds and kicked me out and made me pinkie-swear never to do it again."

Parker scoffed. "Did you forget to cross your fingers behind your back? Amateur."

"It wasn't - " Hardison started. "We were in a chatroom, all right? It wasn't an _actual_ pinkie swear."

"Pinkie swears that don't involve actual pinkies don't count," Eliot said, and Parker nodded. "And that's once. What was the second time?"

"In person," Hardison said.

Nate turned to a new page and tried to check inconspicuously if Hardison was blushing. Sophie would've known by his tone of voice, or his use of words, or whatever.

"Like a - " Eliot made some vague gesture.

"Dude, I've no idea what that means," Hardison said.

"I think I had sex with Tony Stark once," Parker said. "When I was burgling his house in Malibu. That was fun. The burgling, I mean, not the sex. Well, I mean, the sex was fun, too, but not _fun_ fun, know what I mean?"

 

"All right," Nate said, maybe three hours later, "so out of the four people in this room, two have slept with Tony Stark. That's fine. That's not a problem."

Eliot coughed. 

Nate considered brazening it out or, differently put, lying his ass off, then figured what the hell. "Great. We've _all_ had sex with him. Granted, the man's got a reputation for sleeping with a _lot_ of people, but I think that maybe, _maybe_ he's still going to recognize us."

"Even if he won't, I can guarantee you that AI of his will," Hardison said. "I mean, sure, Stark's a genius, but Jarvis? My God."

"You sleep with him, too?" Eliot asked.

"I would if I could," Hardison said, "I mean, that is some _hot_ piece of programming, know what I'm saying?" 

Parker grimaced. Nate sighed. "All right, so I guess it's time for Plan B."

"When'd you meet Tony Stark, anyway?" Hardison asked Eliot, who shrugged and said, "Tried to beat him up for getting in my way on a job, didn't know who he was," which was so much more than Nate wanted to know, especially when Eliot added, "Guess it's a good thing we both like it a bit rough."

"A little focus, people?"

Parker snapped to attention. "Sir, yes, sir. What's Plan B, sir?"

"Plan B is ... very simple," Nate said, thinking fast. "Extremely simple."

"We call Sophie?" Eliot asked.

Nate sighed. "We call Sophie."

 

_ten seconds later, in a certain recently rebuilt mansion in Malibu_

"Sir? One Mr Nathan Ford is attempting to reach Miss Devereaux on her cellphone. He appears to feel the matter is of some urgency."

"Put him on the screen, Jarvis. No need to wake the lady up."

"Yes, sir. Would you perhaps like to put some pants on first?"


End file.
